Heartbreak
by Asian Tensai Tenshi
Summary: Living like this, loving you... being ignored... is too painful. I can't do it anymore. I love you, but you don't see me. Why can't you see me? You're in love with her. Saa... I guess this is goodbye, Tezuka. Onesided Perfect, Fuji's POV.


A/N: Hi guys, it's been a while.... So I was having a bit of an angsty breakdown one day and wrote this fanfiction.... It's somewhat realistic, albeit exaggerated to the point where even I'm like, "Whoa, this person's obsessive". I would love reviews and criticism. I promise I will update _Forgotten_ and POSSIBLY _Let's Go to Hogwarts, Gaara! _(Let's just face it.... Naruto's getting stupid. To the point where I want to push Masashi Kishimoto off a cliff and end the manga myself by killing all the characters off....). Other than that... School is being annoying but no surprise there... I'm entertaining the idea of writing a fanfiction in Chinese, although it will be very short, as my Chinese is very limited... And, I think that's about it. On with the story! (Also, it gives little to no indication of who the two people are, mainly because I wasn't planning on posting this story... But when I did get to the point of "Oh, I'll post it online", it was a given that it would be perfect pair.)

Disclaimer: I don't own the wonderful Prince of Tennis. I do, however, possess all of the pain and the italics (I have no idea what the italics are in all actuality) that is mentioned in below story. I love you all~

xAsianxTensaixTenshix

_Will you ever forget me?_

_Will you ever forget what I was to you?_

_Will you ever forget how much I loved you?_

My hands shook as the words flowed onto the white expanse of paper. I fought back tears, stifled a sob, choked back a scream. My mind shrieked with agony with each letter written. In another world, maybe we could have been together... In another universe or dimension. But the pain I felt daily just wasn't worth living for. Nothing could chase away that sorrow, only you. I supported you, comforted you and stood by you for as long as I could. No..... That was all a lie. I blinded myself into befriending you. I never should have fallen for you. I never should have had this stake driven through my heart.

_How long has it been?_

_How long have I not seen your smile?_

_How long has it been since I last loved you?_

It's been so long that I've forgotten everything. What it was like being your friend.... what it was like to love you. All I remember is obsession and rage. Being friends with you had always brought me nothing but heartache. What did I do to ever deserve that? My heart screamed your name, chanting it over and over again in a mantra of hope that would never be relieved. That's all I ever felt. Hope. Deathlike hope that would never fade. I always stood, hoping, until the day where you ripped all that I lived for away from me. I remember.... I remember.... I remember angry words.... pleading apologies....

_When was the last time I spoke to you?_

_When was the last time you looked at me?_

_When was the last time I told you I loved you?_

Every time someone says your name, I withdraw further into my shell. You are the devil of the ghosts I fear. I am afraid to care about you. I am afraid to hurt you. I am afraid to love you. I want to be the one to stand by your side, but I know that you have pushed me from that pedestal and I have fallen. I can never regain that spot ever again. I want to hate you. I want you to feel the pain I have felt. I want to engrave myself into your memories. I will always remember you, no matter how time passes. I will always remember the first person who has broken my heart.

_You know, I loved you. _

_I loved everything about you. _

_I loved your smile..._.

The first time I saw your smile, I instantly fell in love with it. It became the sunlight of my world. Your smile was the brightest thing that I could possibly have ever imagined and I made it my goal to make you smile. But then after a while your already rare smiles were replaced by constant frowns and that was the first sign that my world was falling apart. The world that I so naively constructed and built around me as a cocoon. My shallow mind thought that I would never be hurt, but I guess all of that is unfounded. The pain that I've suffered is so much worse than any physical pain I could ever feel.

_I loved your voice.._.

Your voice... was the voice of my guardian angel. That one time I was physically hurt... your voice was so filled with concern... but then that same voice broke my heart a few months later.... I don't know if it's my salvation or my damnation.

_I loved your eyes..._

Your eyes betray your true emotions. The first time you were angry at me, I could see the conflicting emotions in your eyes. I knew that you wanted to embrace me, but at the same time, you wanted to push me away. Your eyes reflect your determination and your dedication. The brown hazel depths revealed your soul and feelings to me... But then those eyes reached into my soul and tore me apart. You had no doubt in your eyes... that day.... You had no doubt at all.

_I wanted to tell you that I loved you...._

_But....._

_I don't believe in love. _

I never believed in love. To me, love was a fickle thing. It's naught but another word in the ever-changing English language. Love is four letters... it's spelled l-o-v-e..... it's found in the dictionary.... Other than that, love has no meaning. No English word could ever describe my emotions for you. The only word that exists for my feelings... is love, as much as I hate to admit it. I never told you that I loved you. I only told you that I liked you once, maybe twice ever. It's quite pathetic really. I could say that I liked you to anyone else.... But.... I couldn't say it to your face when the time came. I said it to you out of desperation to make you stay. I was childish and stupid. I thought we would be friends forever.

_I sit here reminiscing..._

_Hypothesizing of what we could have been..._

_I'm sorry that I never got a chance to apologize. _

After everything.... I never told you I was sorry. I should have, but... I never gathered up the courage to confront you. I wonder what could have become of us... I just don't think it's fair. I gave up my happiness for you. I would give my life if it meant that you could be happy. I gave up everything I held dear so I could be by you. Can I just be selfish this once? Can I tell you I'm sorry and then have you tell me that everything will be okay? Please... just one last time. I just need to hear you tell me.... I'm sorry. Truly I am.

_Maybe it would have been easier..._

_If you had just told me..._

"_I hate you"._

Honestly... maybe if you had said outright, "I hate you", maybe I would have moved on. I know that I'm holding on.... clinging so tightly to my final hopes. I know that I should... let go. But I don't want to. My mind and my heart are conflicted. I want to... I want to forget. I want to move on. I want to live. I want to fly away from this pain. But I can't. I'm bound by chains I forged myself. Just tell me you hate me. You are... too nice for your own good.

_But I will always love you. _

_Forever. _

_But when I saw you with her..._

I died. I should have known that you never would have taken interest in me, your best friend. She was perfect for you... everything I was not. She was intelligent... Granted, not as intelligent as I was, but.... there in itself lies the problem. You always fell for those who were intelligent, but not as intelligent as you. You aim to impress them.... to dominate them through sheer intelligence. You knew that you could never out-maneuver me. We both knew that. There's where one of my main flaws lay... I was too intelligent. Pity. I guess this is what being a prodigy means... Emotional pain in exchange for godly gifts.

_Even in death..._

_I will be watching you..._

_Whether I go to heaven or hell._

I know I'm probably going to hell, being the sadistic bastard I am... but I will still watch over you. I want you to be happy. I want you to live. If I cannot be with you... At least I want to watch you attain what you want. Somehow... I think being responsible for your happiness will satisfy me... I don't know. I can hope, I can dream.... but I can never act. Go the distance... I will always be here for you. I promise. That is my final promise to you.

_As my red blood flows..._

_I think of you. _

_Nothing can deter me. _

_Nothing can stop me from loving you until the very end._

xAsianxTensaixTenshi

Wow. I finished that. Lol. Review, please?


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